Ain't No Nigga. . .

 Let’s face it, there’s always that ONE friend with the counterpart you can’t stand.The sister who likes dogs. The cousin who seemingly dug in the bottom of the barrel.The best friend who seems to have lost the fairy dust in her picker finger.The person just isn’t good to your friend. They’re an ass. They cheat, yell, lie.  They would steal the microwave from up under your mama’s nose if a nigga wasn’t lookin. They’re using them. They’re freaking obnoxious but OF COURSE your friend thinks they are the best thing since sliced bread.You can’t try & give friendly advice because they’ll jump down your throat or they just simply don’t wanna hear anything you have to say about them. PERIOD.

When their spouse hurts them, you’re the FIRST person they call though. . . smh. You want to listen & tell them everything is going to be ok but deep down you know it’s not. You don’t want to tell them that they are simply wasting their time.How do you remain a good friend without having to burst out & say

 “YOUR SPOUSE SUCKS!”?

 Fellas, you have that ONE friend with the girlfriend who ALWAYS has her hand out.

Now I ain’t sayin she a gold digger. . .  But she sure the hell wouldn’t be messing with your friend if he wasn’t driving that CTS & giving her money every week. Ladies, what about your friend who’s man is emotionally draining? Always tells her she’s a mess even when she looks her best? Tells her she will NEVER find another man like him even though he aint sh*t. Calls her fat. Is CONSTANTLY looking at other females & has even tried to talk to you. SMH. As you see, this situation has MANY different scenarios. You would love to believe that your friend would just leave that ragamuffin alone but it doesn’t always work like that. Your friend could get upset & not want to talk to YOU anymore. 
(which you definitely don’t want.)

   So the question is, what do you do ??????

You always want your friend to be able to come & talk to you about anything. You always want to be able to give them advice. Let your friend know this. If you’re uncomfortable with hearing about your friend’s relationship in fear of saying. . .

“LEAVE HIS/HER TRIFLIN ASS ALONE!”

Let them know this as well. In a nice way, of course. Try, “I’m your friend & I love you. You can talk to me about anything. It makes me very upset to hear that someone is hurting you. These kinds of conversations make me uncomfortable because I don’t know how to react.” Come up with some kind of agreement. You are friends so you BOTH should be able to express how you feel. Let your friend know that you only want what’s best. To see them hurt , hurts you.

KNOW YOUR ROLL & SHUT YOUR MOUTH

No matter what your role is in this person’s life, whether you’re a cousin, sister, brother, best friend, new friend, cutty buddy, whatever. Know your place. There is a different kind of connection between 2 spouses than 2 friends. Not to say 1 is insignificant to the other. Just different.

So stay in your place, for your friendship sake. Sometimes you have to just listen. You would want the same. You don’t want someone so engulfed in their feelings that they have no time to listen to you, so don’t do that to your friend.

Friendly advice always works.

Don’t go too hard on your friend. “You’re stupid for being with him/her.” would hurt anyone’s feelings including yours, so don’t impose that shit upon your friend. Let them figure out on their own, that it’s not a wise decision to keep dealing with the person. There’s always a better way to say some things. There’s a difference between sugarcoating & being respectful. EFF all that “I’m too real to sugarcoat . . .”.  No what’s real is being a good friend, standing by their side & NOT being a judgemental hoe. Seriously. Put yourself in their shoes & think about every possible way they could feel at the time. If they are already crying, don’t kick them while they’re down. Again it’s not sugarcoating. This is your friend & their feelings are already on the line. Be respectful of their situation & what they are already going through. Ask them what they think they should do. Tell them what you think is best & again, come to an agreement. The worst thing that could happen is that they WONT take your advice. Big whoop?!? Remember, you’re not exactly worried about the spouse. You’re worried about your friend so as long as you 2 are good, things should be fine.

Nothing but a liar cheater, deceiver, heartbreaker 

If in fact the spouse is cheating or has even tried to get at you & you want to say something

It depends on the friend.

      Bro’s before hoes. . .

isn’t every friendships motto but remember, you are not worried about their spouse per se. Moreso about the comfort of your friend. If you know that your friend will try to put it all on you, for the sake of your friendship, I would say don’t say anything. But put his/her ass (the spouse)in check.

Something like “Imma friend not a hoe. Fall back” or even “Get the f*ck outta here.” might do the trick lol. If your friendship stands the test of time .  . . Say something.

Get your friend alone & say hey we need to talk.

Don’t spring it on ‘em unless it’s happened more than once & you know for sure this is what is going on. “The things he’s/she’s said to me make me uncomfortable.” What has he/she said? They might ask. Tell them. Only if they ask. Them getting upset is a normal reaction but know that 9 times out f 10 they’re not mad at you, they are mad that the person they trust would do something like this. If at that point they try & turn it on you. The conversation should cease. You made your attempt.  

Back down.

If they want proof, bring proof if you have it. A text or something that you wouldn’t know unless the spouse told you. Anything. These kinds of situations are sensitive. I’ve kept that information to myself in the past honestly. With fear of losing my friend. Last but not least if you love your friend & just honestly want them to know. Tell them. But work out all the factors. Know that this could possibly end your friendship & if you aren’t afraid of that then say something. Again, know what you’re getting yourself into. The “if you love something let it go. . . ” clause isn’t only for relationships, I believe. If you guys are true friends, they will come back. If not, you see just how strong the friendship really was.

DON’T CONFRONT THE SPOUSE UNLESS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

&& I mean abs-f*ucking lutely necessary. Life or death. Abusive relationships. Things of that sort. I’ve been here on more than one occasion & have always ended up on the shit end of the stick. This kind of situation leaves your friend in an uncomfortable position & at times leaves them to feel they have to choose. You don’t want that. No matter how much you dislike the spouse don’t physically get in the middle.You may be VERY upset with the outcome. TRUST. If you are at a function & he’s/she’s being an ass, pull your friend to the side. “He’s being a little obnoxious, can you speak to him please.”

Try to avoid direct contact if possible. If you’re anything like me, direct contact could lead to an all out brawl lol.

Slowly making me pay for things your money should be handling. . .

Do you know for sure that the spouse is using your friend? It’s likely that they could just be down their luck. It happens to the best of us. Is he/she in fact actually looking for employment? Are they honestly trying to get it together? Do they HONESTLY help when they can? You need to know these things because this is a VERY sensitive subject. Nobody wants to know that their spouse is using them. Keep your eyes peeled but from a distance.

Take, take, take it all, but you never give. . .

Now for men. . . Some men are ok with taking care of their women but in return there is a difference between being taken care of & using the hell out of someone. Men are supposed to take care of their women but women are also supposed to take care of their men. (This should be mutual though. Eye for an eye. You rub my back, I rub yours type ish.)If not financially, then at least emotionally.

It’s easier for someone on the outside to spot out an old gold diggin hoe than it is for your friend so like I said, do your research. All in all . . . No matter what the situation. Remain respectful with the person you care about. In this instance your friend

Know your roll

 Listen

 Be honest

 Don’t be an asshole to your friend

 Let them know that this situation does not only affect them

These options should work & if not you will leave the situation atleast knowing that you tried your best.

. . . Sincerely,   Venus

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